In Everything Give Thanks

There's a Bible verse that says, 'In everything give thanks.' (1 Thessalonians 5:18.). There were times when I thought I wouldn't be able to give thanks for 2024, and couldn't wait to see the back of it. But this year has been all about changing my perspective, and learning to see things from a different mindset. Let me explain.

In many ways, 2024 has been the worst year of my life. I began the year heavily pregnant, with the painful knowledge that my unborn son had a fatal neural tube defect called Anencephaly, and wouldn't survive. In January, I was growing increasingly hyper-extended and in a lot of pain and discomfort, due to having polyhydramnios, and so I had to have a procudure to drain the fluid. February and March were full of hospital appointments with the Consultant, bereavement team and hospice. And then in April our beloved son was stillborn, followed by his funeral in May. The remaining year has been learning how to process grief and navigate a 'new normal', which has been full of ups and downs, uncertainties, challenges, tears, heartache but interspersed with joys as well.

Despite all of this, I am looking back over 2024 with a grateful and thankful heart. Although it's been a painful time of loss and grief, there have still been blessings, too.

This is still the year that I gave birth and had a son. I miss him terribly, but he is still very much my firstborn and I am still his Mummy, and I am giving God thanks for that. And I am also extremely thankful that JJ is safe with Jesus, and we have a glorious hope that one day, we will be reunited with him when we see our Saviour face-to-face.

This was also the year I left my job that I had been in for four years. In a couple of days, I will be starting a new job, at the same company my mother-in-law works at, and I'm so looking forward to a fresh start and new beginnings as a new year dawns. This year I also took up a new hobby of watercolour painting (and have recently taken up acrylics, too) and discovered I wasn't as bad at art as I had previously believed I was. I also finished my first draft of a dystopian / science fiction novel I began writing last year, and Tom and I finally took the plunge in starting a very exciting project . . . but shhhhh! It's a secret for now (more news to follow soon, so keep an eye out!). We have also begun to write down our baby-loss journey, with the aim of turning it into a book in the future to help other baby-loss parents.

From left to right: Tom and I at Sky Gardens for my birthday in October; a snapshot of us in St James' Park on our way to see 'Fawlty Towers: The Play' in June; and the Memory Garden in St Neots where I tied a ribbon in memory of our darling baby, JJ, during Baby Loss Awareness Week in October.

When I think of all the positive things that have happened during such a painful year, I feel incredibly grateful to the Lord for the beauty He has brought us in the midst of the pain and chaos, and also amazed at the strength that He has given me and Tom throughout. Truly, 'I can do ALL things through Christ, Who gives me strength' (Philippians 4:13.). And that's the secret: it's all been a gift from Jesus - all through Him. A supernatural peace and strength that has helped me to not only keep going, but even thrive, when it felt as though our whole world was falling apart, and there were times when I thought I was going to fall apart, too. But I didn't, because of these key things:

1. Staying Thankful

   I have really learned that when I count my blessings, even in the extreme trials and pain, there is something that unlocks in my heart. It shifts my focus from the negative to the positive, and keeps me from seeing myself as the 'victim'. Don't get me wrong, it's not an easy exercise, and I have times when the sadness of losing my son and missing him can be very overwhelming, but it's a journey.

   
   

2. Looking To Jesus

   Worshiping Jesus for Who He is, gives me a heavenly perspective, and helps me to focus on Him rather than on the storms in my life. It's learning to rely on Him, rather than on myself. Jesus is the One who keeps me going and gives me the strength and hope to go on.

   
   

3. Getting Creative

   Keeping occupied is a positive thing. There are times for being still and processing, and that is definitely important; but finding good things to be occupied with is also valuable. I am grateful for the new hobby I have discovered in painting this year, as well as finishing the first draft of my novel. I am also proud of what Tom and I have been achieving on our new project (all will be revealed in good time!). There's something about productivity and getting creative that really helps to keep you going!

   
   

So despite the tragic loss of our precious son, and all the pain, challenges and sorrows 2024 has brought, I am also truly thankful God chose Tom and I to be JJ's Mummy and Daddy, and I am so incredibly grateful to the Lord for him. I am thankful for the lessons God has been teaching me this year in surrender and trusting in Him (I am not there yet, but I am definitely learning!), and He has definitely been refining my faith in the fire, that's for sure! I'm thankful for the new skills I have been developing, and I'm thankful for the sweet memories Tom and I have made together with a couple of UK breaks away this year, a few visits to London and other little blessings along the way. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to 2025 and a fresh start. I'm praying that it brings many joys and encouragement, and that it has far less sorrow than this year has had, but I can honestly say that 2024 wasn't a 'write-off'. I didn't just manage to survive, but because of God's grace and with His help, I also thrived. This is what I mean about how it's been a year of God teaching me to change my mindset.

I am not down-playing the tragic events of this year, neither am I trying to give the 'text-book Christian answers'. It's been a very rough ride. There have been too many tears to count, a few complete breakdowns, times of anger and confusion, and even some times when the pain and heartache was so great that it was hard to see the way through. But that's why my relationship with Jesus means so much to me. He gives me meaning and hope when life feels like it's crumbling around me. And He has still given me so much to be grateful for . . . my amazing husband, my little JJ, my family, my church, my beautiful home, a new job, my health . . . the list goes on. I have so much to be thankful for!

One of the Bible verses that I have really clung to this year and has become a new firm favourite, are the words of Jesus found in John 16:33. They say this: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” We are never promised a life of ease, free from suffering. But Jesus promises us something greater, something deeper. We can have true joy, real assurance and a steadfast hope in Him. Followers of Christ can take heart, because He has overcome the world, and we have so much to enjoy in our relationship with Him now, and so much more to look forward to in the future that we will have with Him for eternity.

Happy New Year Everyone! :-)