Love Is Patient

In the build-up to Valentine's Day this year, I felt it laid on my heart to write a series of blog posts about love and what it looks like in day-to-day life.

The world has such a warped view of what love is these days, and people very quickly fall in and out of love, depending on how their feelings change towards that person, or how the other person behaves. The truth is, love is a verb, not a noun. It's an action, not a feeling. My intention is to explore what love really is all about by going through what it is and what it isn't, using 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible as a guide, otherwise known as 'the love passage'. It's a popular reading at weddings, but a tough list to put into action each and every day, and yet it holds the key to a successful relationship.

We are going to start by looking at the first item on 'the love list' in this thirteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians. It says, 'Love is patient.'

What is patience? The Cambridge Dictionary defines patience as: "The ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed." To apply that definition to a relationship, is to say that love has the ability to wait; love continues to work at a relationship despite difficulties; love suffers disappointment or impatience from another person without complaining or getting angry back.

I feel very blessed to be married to my Tom. He's a wonderful man in so many ways; he's very understanding and gentle, a lot of fun to be around and thoughtful and kind, and we enjoy a very close and happy relationship. But from time to time, we still have to exercise patience with each other, as we all do in every relationship, whether that's with other family members or friends.

We all go through times where it's a challenge to be patient with people, whether they say or do something that causes irritation or hurt. What's the answer? Be patient. Don't complain to them about their faults. Instead, gently take them to one side and explain what they're doing that is causing you some frustration, but carefully choosing your words and tone so that it doesn't sound like you are nagging or complaining. Don't snap back just because they have said something that angers you or because their tone has hurt you and you feel like you want to get back at them. Don't give up on them just because you feel you are not valued or appreciated and they have acted in a way that brings you disappointment or offence.

It is so much better to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry, as it says in James 1:19-20. A famous proverb in the Bible says: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

Exercising patience, especially when it's tough, will not go unnoticed. Not only will it bless the other person, but it will also bless you. Living a life free from anger, complaining and frustration will only do you good emotionally and mentally, as well as honouring the person you are exhibiting patience towards. Patience may not always be the easy option, but it's the most loving and rewarding one, and it brings so much more joy! As I said earlier, love is an action, not a feeling. Exhibit love and the feelings will follow later.

Love doesn't focus on any negatives. Love looks for the positives and gently works out any difficulties with patience and understanding. And love doesn't expect changes overnight. Love waits with tenderness.

You won't always get it right. I know I certainly don't! We're human beings and inevitably fail at times. Patience especially is a virtue that takes a lifetime to truly cultivate, but when it's nurtured, it's a fruit that is particularly beautiful when it blossoms, and adds so much sweetness and joy to life.